The Substitute
by Jicklet
Summary: Jordan tries to deal with being the oldest sister who's ever around.


Once upon a time, there had been a point to being a middle sister, Jordan  
thought. Sara was a lot younger than her, and although Rachel was only two  
years older, she was a lot more practical and experienced, a lot more  
reliable in danger than the bookish Jordan was. Yes, once upon a time,  
they had been a steps-and-stairs family, the big sister, the middle  
sister and the little one. And there had been Mother making arrangements  
for them, who to go shopping, who to cook the instant food, who to stay  
with Sara, that sort of thing.  
  
Well, not anymore, thought Jordan, exchanging her bags between her hands yet  
again. For a while now, Rachel had been staying out late, and spending half  
her nights at Cassie's, and never answering Mother's questions. At first,  
Mother had only complained to Jordan about this, but by now, she had simply  
given up trying to supervise her daughters. So the household was left to  
whoever was around, Sara could spend her afternoons by herself, and Jordan  
could do just about everything by herself, from using the electric stove to  
going into traffic.  
  
Which is what she was doing now, carrying the shopping home. The nylon bags  
contained bread, biscuits, instant ramen soup, instant traditional soup,  
instant Italian pasta, milk, chocolate milk, and a World War Two novel from  
the library. Jordan never went anywhere without a library book. Her usual  
place to read was the bench across the street from the pretzel stand under  
the arcades. Like on so many afternoons before, Jordan bought a pretzel, and  
she greeted the pretzel woman as well as the bag lady who was sitting nearby  
in a corner. They both knew the little girl from long ago.  
  
Jordan crossed the street, sat down on the bench, and, munching the pretzel,  
she was soon lost in her book. It was a wonderful story. The war had ended,  
the older brother and the girl taken in by the family had fallen in love,  
now they were going away to look for her relatives, and the   
fifteen-year-old little sister, who was the strongest of all three (so the  
older brother said) stayed at home to help their parents...  
  
"Hello, Jordan!"  
  
Jake! Jordan was yanked back to reality.  
  
"Why, why, hello, Jake." She quickly snapped the book shut and threw it back  
into the bag. It was her cousin Jake looking over her shoulder, the  
responsible Jake, who could ask more questions than Rachel and Sara put  
together.  
  
"What were you reading that you have to hide from me?" he asked with a  
smile.  
  
"War book. It makes Mom worry, me reading war books all the time. And she  
has enough to worry about Rachel."  
  
"So that's why you must come out here to read?"  
  
"No, no, that's because of Sara." Now Jordan was smiling, too. "You see,  
now, Sara is allowed to stay home without Mom or Rachel, and that makes  
her...well, I don't look forward to going home to her. She likes someone to  
listen to her, and now that someone might be me. So I try to stay out a lot.  
And if I stay out while shopping, Sara doesn't ask me where I've been."  
  
"Don't be mad at her. She only asks you because she's worried about you."  
  
"Oh, dear, she's starting it young," Jordan said sarcastically. "So far, it  
was only Mom worrying about us, and Rachel worrying about whatever, and I  
comforted them like a good little sister. But Sara just needs attention for  
the stories she tells about her day, and I give her attention like a good big  
sister. Plus, when Rachel isn't home --and when is she home? -- I buy  
dinner and cook it and do the washing-up, like a good middle sister, I  
guess," she sighed. "Sometimes I think middle sisters should be called the  
sandwich-generation."  
  
Jake laughed. "I think there's also another name. If I remember well, when  
Sara was small, she used to call you her little big sister."  
  
"That she did. Now she mostly calls me 'Hey, why don't you make me a garlic  
soup, Jordan?'"  
  
"What I mean, Jordan, is that you have responsibility towards Sara," said  
Jake seriously. "You're not just a little girl, you're her big sister. And if  
Rachel does any...worrisome things, you mustn't let Sara and Aunt Naomi get  
hurt by that. That will take a lot of listening and caring from you...and,  
yes, a lot of shopping and cooking and washing-up," he added, smiling once  
more.  
  
"All right, I'll go..." Jordan stood up, resigned.  
  
"No, you can stay for a bit. I can take your shopping home and keep Sara  
occupied for an hour or so. But try to get home before dark, okay?"  
  
"Sure, I have to do that anyway."  
  
"And if you really can't manage your own and Rachel's share of the  
housework, I'll ask Tom to help you out tomorrow," Jake said with a  
mischievous grin.  
  
"No, not him, please!" Jordan called in mock horror. "It's bad enough  
listening to Sara! Please, Jake, couldn't you tell your brother to leave me  
alone with The Sharing, once and for all? You both know that I'm glad if I  
can finally get away from school and read, then I don't need a bunch of kids  
and common activities -- plus Chapman! And sports and hiking, they just  
make my flat feet hurt, Rachel's the only fit one in the family, because  
she has it from Dad, and..."  
  
"Point taken," laughed Jake. "It's perfectly enough if you help your mom and  
sisters, you don't have to be a major figure in The Sharing. And I'll tell  
you a secret," he whispered: "Tom doesn't like doing dishes a bit more than  
you do. There's not a great risk of him helping you, unless you ask him. But  
I'll run along now, I still have some friends to meet this afternoon."  
  
"Sure, thanks," Jordan mumbled after him. She had already sunken back into  
her book. The girl after the war had to carry snow for boiling, and the  
bucket was heavy to carry alone, but she had to bear it, so she bore it...  
  
  
  
"Why did you do it, Lourdes?" Jake asked that afternoon. "Usually, you don't  
even play me, you play Rachel!"  
  
"That's why," the Chee woman answered. "I'd seen what Jordan's going  
through, and I thought she had a right to know about her situation."  
  
"I'm not sure about that," Cassie mused. "I think we should let this war  
affect her as little as possible."  
  
"The war is affecting her, no matter what we do," Lourdes said gently. "Then  
it's better if we let her grow up to it."  
  
Rachel was still worried. "Just don't let her become a little grownup, like  
Jake has become."  
  
  
  
But Jordan had no such intention. Even as she was preparing instant ramen  
for Sara, she felt content to be the little middle sister, and wanted to stay  
that for a long, long time. It was another thing altogether that she was also  
playing a big girl's role -- that she was proud to be Rachel's substitute.  



End file.
